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Tor Janes Australia (Verified User) Posts 10024 Dogs 16 / Races 0 11 Apr 2014 04:16
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Heres some greyhound ones
Im thinking of buying a greyhound.......dont know what the wife will say so ill run it by her first
Women can be so ungrateful sometimes,. My wife always enjoyed greyhound racing so I thought it would be a nice gesture to sponsor a race in her name for her birthday. Honestly she must have been the only person in the stand that didnt enjoy the susy parker a1 bitch stakes"
My local club the greyhound has just announced it will now be a gay bar, and will now be changing its name to The Whippet in
boom boom
Paul Matthews Australia (Verified User) Posts 1854 Dogs 73 / Races 22 12 Apr 2014 10:04
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Whats the big deal with oscar prestorius?He's not the first guy who's got leggless and shot a load into his missus while thinking she was somebody else.
Grant Thomas Australia (Verified User) Posts 11447 Dogs 64 / Races 20 12 Feb 2015 02:44
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An old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shit now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the oldGerman Shepherd exclaims loudly,
"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.
The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.
The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...
"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"
Moral of this story...
Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
Bull Shit and brilliance only come with age and experience.
Lady: Do you drink? Man: Yes Lady: How much a day? Man: 3 6 packs Lady: How much per 6 pack Man: about $10.00 Lady: And how long have you been drinking? Man: 15 years Lady: So 1 6 pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be $10,800 correct? Man: Correct Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct? Man: Correct Lady: Do you know that if you hadnt drank, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari? Man: Do you drink? Lady: No Man: Wheres your f*cking Ferrari then?
John Marriott United Kingdom (Verified User) Posts 581 Dogs 24 / Races 4 16 Aug 2015 14:43
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A 75 year old manwent to his doctors office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said "take this jar home and bring me a sample back tomorrow."
The next day the old man gives the doctor the jar which is as clean and empty as the day before. The old man explained " Well, first I tried with my right hand, but nothing happened, then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked the wife for help.. she tried with her right hand, then her left hand, she even tried with her mouth but still nothing...we even asked the lady from next door who tried with her right hand, then her left hand, and even her mouth, but still nothing." The doctor can't believe his ears "You asked your neighbour ?" The old man replied "Yes, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the jar open."
James Saunders Australia (Verified User) Posts 4644 Dogs 3 / Races 3 18 Aug 2015 05:15
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man walks into a clock factory and pulls out his old fella,the lady behind the counter says excuse me but this is a CLOCK factory he says I know put a couple of hands and a face on this!!
Grant Thomas Australia (Verified User) Posts 11447 Dogs 64 / Races 20 18 Aug 2015 06:27
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This IS true...
Our company wanting rosters suggestions...
1st THING THEY PULL OUT OF THE BOX IS A JAR OF VASELINE...
Grant Thomas Australia (Verified User) Posts 11447 Dogs 64 / Races 20 08 Oct 2016 20:38
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The Western Bulldogs bulldog says to his greyhound mate.
" I only have to win once every 62 years to remain alive "
Courtesy...Illawarra Mercury...Sat...8/10/16
Ray Brown Australia (Team Member) Posts 6225 Dogs 8 / Races 5 30 Mar 2017 20:11
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Three footy fans were walking back from the MCG when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of Jolimont Road . They stopped and discovered a nude female unconscious and near death so one of them phoned the police and also requested an ambulance. Out of respect and propriety, the Hawthorn fan took off his cap and placed it over one of the female's breasts. The Kangaroos fan took off his cap and placed it over her other breast. Following their lead, but with great reluctance, the Collingwood fan took off his cap and placed it over her girly part. The police arrived first and an officer began to conduct his investigation. First he lifted up the Hawks cap, replaced it and made an entry in his notebook. Next, he lifted the Kangaroos cap and replaced it; making more notes in his book. Then the officer lifted the Collingwood cap, replaced it, lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time and replaced it one last time -shaking his head in disbelief. The Collingwood fan was extremely annoyed and challenged him, "What are you, a pervert or something mate? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?" "Well," said the officer, "I'm a little surprised and confused. "Normally, when you look under a Collingwood cap...you'll find an arsehole."
Rod Hampton Australia Posts 1626 Dogs 2993 / Races 11812 31 Mar 2017 00:16
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Who picks up the guide dogs poo?
Malcolm Smart Australia (Verified User) Posts 12802 Dogs 19 / Races 34 31 Mar 2017 00:26
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Rod Hampton wrote:
Who picks up the guide dogs poo?
EASY,
"outa sight ,outa mind."
Ray Brown Australia (Team Member) Posts 6225 Dogs 8 / Races 5 31 Mar 2017 03:23
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The GREATEST joke of ALL TIME....
' GRNSW'
Rod Hampton Australia Posts 1626 Dogs 2993 / Races 11812 04 Apr 2017 08:48
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Recycled joke - one of my favourites 2 old Polish nuns were rewarded for their long service, being given a trip to New York. Sister Agnes & Sister Bernadette were very keen, on arrival in NY, to taste a hot dog, having heard about them for years. So off they go & find a hot dog seller. They buy 2. Sister Agnes looks at Sister Bernadette and asks "what part of the dog did you get?"
Terry Jordan Australia (Verified User) Posts 6016 Dogs 0 / Races 0 04 Apr 2017 10:08
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Rod Hampton wrote:
Recycled joke - one of my favourites 2 old Polish nuns were rewarded for their long service, being given a trip to New York. Sister Agnes & Sister Bernadette were very keen, on arrival in NY, to taste a hot dog, having heard about them for years. So off they go & find a hot dog seller. They buy 2. Sister Agnes looks at Sister Bernadette and asks "what part of the dog did you get?"
I heard Rod, they then went to the Bronx, to have a look. Were approached by a guy who Flashed open his Macintosh and exposed himself to the Nuns. Sister Agnes had a stroke, Sister Bernadette was to bloody slow!!
Peter Gurry Australia (Verified User) Posts 9253 Dogs 18 / Races 25 04 Apr 2017 10:57
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Blasphemous talk there Dr Huss, looks like your two could be farked this Friday lunchtime at Cassie as I think he reads what's posted. - Reverend Father PJ Macwollie
Terry Jordan Australia (Verified User) Posts 6016 Dogs 0 / Races 0 04 Apr 2017 21:02
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Peter Gurry wrote:
Blasphemous talk there Dr Huss, looks like your two could be farked this Friday lunchtime at Cassie as I think he reads what's posted. - Reverend Father PJ Macwollie
I assume your Joking! Now back to the Royal Commission Father
Peter Gurry Australia (Verified User) Posts 9253 Dogs 18 / Races 25 05 Apr 2017 03:00
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It's not me there after, it's Big George btw your dogs fate to be posted on Batt Hens. - The Rev Mac
Grant Thomas Australia (Verified User) Posts 11447 Dogs 64 / Races 20 07 Apr 2017 12:44
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A young couple were out shopping when the lady spotted a pair of very expensive shoes...she asked her hubbie to buy them for her...he said no...after a while they again passed the shoe shop and again she asked and again he said no...later that night he said how about it...she said don't you know you have to shoe the filly before you can ride it...
Malcolm Smart Australia (Verified User) Posts 12802 Dogs 19 / Races 34 05 Mar 2018 07:51
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The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town on a hot day, pull up outside a saloon, Lone Ranger takes of his hat, passes it to Tonto, say's run around the horse and fan it, Then the Lone Ranger goes inside sits down and has a drink, 5 minutes later a stranger walks in and say's, who owns the big white horse out the front, Lone Ranger stands up and say's me, why....stranger says, YOU LEFT YOUR INJUN RUNNING.....
Malcolm Smart Australia (Verified User) Posts 12802 Dogs 19 / Races 34 02 Aug 2018 13:11
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A man went to Macquarie Street in Sydney having seen an ad for a Gynaecologist's Assistant. Naturally interested, he went in and asked the secretary for details.
The secretary pulled up the file and read: "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynaecologist. "You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off their pubic hair, then rub in soothing oils to relax them so they're ready for the gynaecologist's examination.
"The annual salary is $65,000 , if you're interested, you'll have to go to Wollongong."
" My God, is that where the job is?" asked the man.
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